My Bloody Valentine


My Bloody Valentine is slightly ahead of the horror remake pack only because it knows just how stupid it is. Keeping in mind that the voiceover on the trailer was at pains to explain that ‘nothing says date movie like a 3D ride to hell’ (say what?), one couldn’t possibly be surprised when it aims for new extremes of gore-propelled silliness.

This is the first live action film I’ve seen in ‘RealD’, and the gimmick is still entertaining.My Bloody Valentine The opening titles – a collection of newspaper cuttings providing the backstory of the sole survivor of a mine collapse – make full use of the technology, which at its best is really giving us several layers of 2D images. The picture overall was a little too dim for my liking, and this is the first time I’ve actually noticed this oft-repeated complaint in a RealD film. The flick has a great time with our masked killer’s pick-axe – it’s the perfect murder weapon for 3D – and you’d be surprised just how many ways you can insert a sharp instrument into someone’s head.

I’ve seen a bit of talk amongst the online horror community concerning the fact that this film doesn’t shirk on the gore (apparently everyone’s sick of PG-13 horror), and the film certainly has fun with the blood and guts. Of course, this stops it from being in the least bit frightening, but it does seem that their general aim was ‘roller coaster ride’ instead of ‘scary movie’. On more than one occasion, however, the film does seem to have been cut, suggesting that there may be an even more gruesome version available on DVD in the future (which would almost be a mandatory selling point since no one would be getting the 3D effect at home).

The cast are a hodgepodge of chiselled/skinny young stars that have all appeared in television or forgettable small film roles over the years. They perform well, even if the script seems to be pushing them into a B grade corner (honestly, the early conversation between the two cops has to be a joke – they’re trying so hard to be bad actors.) One or two characters hint at a better-developed, more interesting edge, but then the writers opt-out in favour on focussing on the killing.

The plot isn’t really too relevant. There’s a killer on the loose and it could be any one of the central characters. The mystery element is always a curious secondary device in slasher movies. Here – coupled with the metaphoric winks directed at the audience – it makes the film feel even more pantomimic.

It’s a silly film, to be sure, but it’s all in the name of fun.

Rating: 2.0 stars
Review by Stuart Wilson, 14th February 2009
Hoopla Factor: 3.0 stars

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