Stuart:

The needless horror remakes continue, as do my astoundingly belated reviews…

Friday the 13th is a rebooting of sorts. It comes as no surprise that the writers didn’t simply stick to the first film, because that wouldn’t allow for the presence of Jason Voorhees. What we do have is a remake that seems to encompass elements of the first three films, which means that we get Mrs Voorhees, Jason and the hockey mask all in the one film. Various moments from those three flicks have been recreated also – including a couple of the scares – which makes this Friday more than a tad predictable.

Frustratingly, this film doesn’t fix up the parts of the original franchise that never made sense. Mrs. Voorhees killed a bunch of kids in order to avenge her drowned son Jason… yet Jason never died, and in fact saw his mother beheaded… so now he kills a bunch of kids in order to avenge his mother’s death. Wha?! Where on earth was he between the ‘drowning’ and her death? (I haven’t really spoilt the film for those unaware of the plot… this is covered in the first few minutes). I always found it astounding that the franchise made no sense as of the first sequel. This could have been the perfect chance to patch up that inconsistency.

The Friday the 13th franchise was easily one of the most exploitative popular horror series ever made, and Marcus Nispel’s remake tries to continue this tradition with some gratuitous boobies and grisly murders. It feels like a forced and completely unnecessary throwback, and I can’t imagine any diehard fans of the original will get anything new out of this flick.

The most entertaining aspect of the film would have to be the talent – the ‘teenagers’ get some mildly funny lines when they’re not being killed, and deliver them masterfully. Aaron Yoo steals the show as Chewie, a pothead who bumbles his way from scene to scene, whilst the others all look a bit too purposefully buff or skinny to resemble real people.

Friday the 13th skirts offensive on its way to dull, and there are only a few moments of humour that make the experience worthwhile. One for horror completists only.