Stuart:

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but bring back Paul W.S. Anderson!

AVP: Alien vs. Predator was at least a lot of fun. Stupid, yes, and not a scratch on the original Predator or any of the Alien films, but definitely fun. Requiem is unfortunately disappointing by comparison.

Of course, I’m not quite sure what I was expecting from a ‘sequel to a film based on a comic book crossover based on two film franchises’, but some cool action would have been nice. Sure, the previous film annoyed viewers with its clearly cut, PG-13 version of events, and this new one positively revels in the gore, but that isn’t enough when the two most deadly alien species are battling it out in handheld murky darkness. The first fight in AVP was awesome, plus it happened in an ancient pyramid underneath Antarctica. Requiem really had its work cut out.

From the very beginning we’re subjected to the monsters. Even Anderson kept his beasties back for long enough that we got vaguely interested in the story… this time around it’s all about the body count. It really is the cruddiest of mash-up movies, with the musical score oscillating between the most recognisable themes from each franchise, and the script constantly quoting the originals.

Reiko Aylesworth (from ’24’) is the only face I recognised here, and she doesn’t really have much to work with – it’s a small country town, there are monsters killing people. I was offended that Anderson’s film accelerated the alien’s lifecycle, but they’re positively on speed in this film. Chest bursters are popping out every few minutes, maturing and somehow building massive hives in a matter of hours, in between chomping down on anything that gets in their way.

And the predator/alien hybrid is the worst offence. I remember seeing an early production photo and thinking that surely the costume was only in the early stages of its design. It wasn’t. It’s a really, really unimpressive beast that uses bits from both monsters in a mix and match kind of way that resembles the versatility of Lego men.

This is actually what I thought the ‘first’ film would be like. The gore is all it has to offer, and to be honest it would probably be a great film to watch on DVD with lots of beer and pizza. I wouldn’t rush out to spend your money on it though.